When Awareness is Not Enough (Laara's Story)

  Today I am a healthy, happy, productive woman.  It's hard to believe that at one time, life seemed hardly worth the effort.

  I was born into a family who believed you had to work very hard and be really tough to survive.  Pain and fatigue were ignored. I became a strong, tough tomboy.

  At age 12, I suddenly became exhausted and didn't bounce back.  Thinking was fuzzy, memory was poor.  No one believed me.  I heard words such as "lazy", "stupid,", "you're faking”,” you don't care", and "selfish".  I developed relentless self criticism to drive myself. Nothing I did, tried, or thought was ok.  Especially, I wasn't ok.  I didn't listen to my body's limits and set high standards of accomplishment to prove I was worth respecting.  Naturally, the man I married had the same opinion of me as I had.  At 23, a major horseback riding accident added fibromyalgia, less energy, even lower self esteem and depression.

  At 33, a single mother with two sons, and no high school biology, still exhausted and now in a lot of physical pain as well, I enrolled in university with the goal of being an environmental biologist, a program which was one of most challenging in terms of time and effort.  I graduated, but the effort took its toll.  I suffered a paralyzing physical breakdown shortly afterwards.  The strong, independent, confident facade collapsed.  I was devastated, especially because I was not able to continue the lifestyle of my dreams, to live and work in the wilderness.

  The next six years were a search for answers for relief of body pain, exhaustion, depression and a now an even lower opinion of myself.  I consulted mental health workers, counsellors, psychologists, a psychiatrist, many people in the alternative health and counselling professions and attended support groups.  I learned to trust people, gained some relief and a great deal of awareness of the cause of my issues, my responsibility in creating them and excellent advice on how to think and feel, but not how get to those goals permanently, so nothing lasted.  Awareness wasn't enough.

  Then in 1985, I saw an ad for a method that claimed deep, lasting change was possible and in less time than other processes.  Curiosity overcame scepticism.  The practitioner did not give advice or suggest answers, instead, using gentle, non leading questions, she guided me into finding my own answers, changing negative decisions and beliefs taken on when young, into positive, adult chosen alternatives and transforming all the negative core beliefs and accompanying thoughts,  feelings and behaviours to align with them,  This was followed by a complete transformation on my spiritual, conscious. Subconscious, emotional and physical levels, past the layer of the cells into who I really was and had always been, then forward in time to be aware of how the changes would work out in my life in the future.

  The sceptic in me said, "Yeah, yeah, you've talked to someone for three and a half hours, of course you feel great, but what about six months from now?'"  . The fear that we worked with did not return.  The confidence which replaced it remained.  I was so impressed with my changes I decided to make it my life's work.

  In further sessions a loving, strong, confident, whole me became more and more a part of my life.  Low self esteem became love and compassion not only for me, but for others.  Self criticism was replaced by an appreciation of my talents, abilities, strengths and accomplishments..

  Core beliefs such as I love me, people love me, I like me, people like me, I trust my decisions, I am my own authority, I can do anything I choose, and many, many others made the journey from my head to my heart and whole being in less time than I believed possible. QiGong was then allowed to bring back strength and Traditional Chinese Medicine to rebuild health.  Courage meant I could resume horseback riding and solitary tenting.  Confidence spurred an application for funds to start a practice, which was approved.  Optimism, love, compassion, peace and happiness became and remain the underlying keynote of my life.  I learned it was definitely okay to  be me, definite in my chosen beliefs and ethics.  I proceed at a pace that is right for me.  I can receive as well as give love now.

LAARA K. BRACKEN, B. Sc.
Certified Master Practitioner (24 YEARS EXPERIENCE)
Core Belief Engineering
A Kelowna Counselling Service
Kelowna (250) 763-6265
Telephone and Skype sessions are also very effective